Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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