bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
