**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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