just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
