Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
