Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
