ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
