My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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