when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
