Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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