who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
