Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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