Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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