I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
