I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
