we're blogging at a bar
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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