so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm at about main and main street
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
