Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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