You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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