Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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