got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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