Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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