it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
