Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
