thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
