Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
