my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
