If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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