omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
