woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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