her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
