I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
