I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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