Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
