Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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