Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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