I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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