I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
