I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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