Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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