Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
