very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
