i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
