Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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