All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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