Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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