he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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