Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
