once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
