I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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