I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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