final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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