The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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