Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
