Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We don't watch enough power rangers
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
